I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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