There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
