I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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