I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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