Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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