U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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