4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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