Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
