Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Randomize
