why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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