i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
