I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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