my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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