I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
