I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
