I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
