i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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