Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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