dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
