This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
