I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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