she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
