I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
