Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
