mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
