Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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