I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Everything about him screamed your future.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize