Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
