seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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