I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
