It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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