He uses pillows to masturbate.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
