Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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