Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
