Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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