White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
