I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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