I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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