I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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