Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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