you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
