I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
