Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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