so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I stole a fireplace last night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize