goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
