I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
