in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
