Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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