Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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