u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
not ubering you a puppy
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
