I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
