I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
