singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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