The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
