She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There's always time for handjobs
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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