Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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