i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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