Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
