Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
