My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
