you would pick up someone in the library
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize