Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
