We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
