well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
