i jhust puked up my retainher.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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