If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
