Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
