I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
