My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
