no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
