just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
