so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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