she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
