I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
