I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
