yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
