So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
