after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She bit a glass in half.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
