Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize