I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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