we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
