8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
