bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
